I 've been aware, over the last eighteen months, that a different light is emerging. At first it came in glimpses and glimmers. I began to grasp the edges of you that had defeated my imagination. As the light bled into a stony dawn, it was if I understand colour for the first time, as each brick became rosy and the garden grew alive and opened like a flower. Colour grew stronger and i sensed that you were really there, just the other side of the veil between us. As if my bony skull clamped shut my view of the stars and the limitless universe, with you in it everywhere. So. It was me that was stopping you being with me. Grief and total despair restraining me. And like a dream fast running away as you chase it at dawn, those moments were gone again, impossible to recapture, leaving me deflated and disbelieving.
Now, those shafts of emerging light are longer and they stay awhile, illuminating everything in a different way - and that is to say , - you, my beautiful girl, are walking alongside me. It's the most incredible feeling. And I don't have to hold my breath. We are relaxed. You are present even when I'm not trying to soak every drop of you up. It's somehow as if we have both grown, dimensionally. We are expanded and we can do anything.
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